I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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