so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
