Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
