And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
