We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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