No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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