Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
