if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
