In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
