Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
