somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
