If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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