so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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