I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
