I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
