u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
