I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize