Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
