I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
