She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
