the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
