he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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