I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
