My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
