According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
