No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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