i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize