Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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