It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
