I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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