there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
