i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
