As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
