Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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