He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i permit you to call me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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