Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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