Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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