just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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