you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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