My Higher Power is John Stamos
My cat gives me a boner
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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