Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
