i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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