And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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