I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
