There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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