If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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