I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
