I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
