Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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