if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
