I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
