every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
