I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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