TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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