Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
