you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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