watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i think im in europe. pls send help
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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