I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
