I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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