..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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