It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
