i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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